Build Trust at Work

The lesson of today: don’t speak behind other people’s back. It’s stupid to write bad things in an email because text has permanence and manages to get forwarded around. But it’s even bad form when you’re casually joking around with a friend.

Stephen R. Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, expresses the idea excellently:

One of the most commonly overlooked ways to build trust is to be loyal to those who are not present. Suppose you and I were criticizing our boss behind his back. What will happen if you and I later have a falling out? You know my nature–I’ll bad-mouth you. You’ve seen me do it.

Now suppose you were to start criticizing the boss and I suggested we go to him and explore how things might be improved. You’d likely assume that I’d act with equal respect if someone were to criticize you.

There’s a nice tit-for-tat mentality going on here. I wish I knew this advice before my first job.

Has anyone successfully executed the advice? Or got in trouble by not following it?

Source:
 Covey, Stephen R. “Why Character Counts.” Reader’s Digest Jan. 1999: 132-135.

(Citation formatted using Easybib)



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  • Mahesh

    The game theory context is that people you work with are basically Co-opetitors i.e. you co-operate for survival and compete for power, prestige, money and other accoutrements (Outward forms of recognition). By revealing your negative opinions, you basically give information that can be leveraged against you. It is much akin to a game of poker where you have a bad hand and you reveal it unintentionally yet continue to play the game. You are going to get crushed. So to play this game just keep a positive attitude and contribute and you should do fine. Sometime if you have a bad hand you should probably fold( find a new job soon).

  • http://bizop.ca michael webster

    Oddly, given the flames wars that the internet enabled, the public retrieval of most our words is likely going to increase civility.

  • http://www.mindyourdecisions.com/blog Presh Talwalkar

    @Mahesh: I like the poker analogy. Gossip often reveals more about the messenger than the subject.

    @michael webster: Perhaps that’s why so many people comment anonymously–it’s a cowardly out.

  • http://www.mawsoft.com/blog RohoMech

    @Mahesh:

    Yea, really good point, if someone gets a reputation as a gossip / pessimist, it can lead to reduced contact / work for that person.

    Though, something odd to consider is, even if you’re not the person complaining, being associated with that person can cost you that relationship as well. For example, you could be with a co-worker who openly dislikes your mutual boss. Lets say your boss knows the two of you play golf every weekend, he’s likely to think your co-worker will complain about things with you, and perhaps (although incorrectly) guess that you complain about him as well.

  • http://www.mawsoft.com/blog RohoMech

    @michael – well, I’d argue a lot of flaming (like in forums, blogs etc) is done under some kind of pseudonym, which might be a little harder to track. Now, when you’ve got a handle that IS your full name + a link to your own website + personal email used…it makes it a tad harder to argue it wasn’t yourself.

  • http://bizop.ca michael webster

    @RobhoMech;

    Yes, I think that you are right that in forums in which posters don’t “own” their comments, there is more of a chance of a flame.

    But, I have found that by not engaging in the personal attack, and being very hard on the idea, the flame is quickly doused.

    (Hey Presh, get a plugin for the threaded comments, so we can stop with the “@” convention.)

  • http://www.mindyourdecisions.com/blog Presh Talwalkar

    Thanks for the suggestion of threaded comments. Unfortunately it appears the popular plugins have bugs and conflicts with other plugins…so I’m holding off until there’s a clean way to do this.

    I think that’s why not too many blogs go this route (ProBlogger mentioned its choice not to integrate it since it was buggy).





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