How Do You Deal with Money Jealousy?
5 September 2008My friend liked his $3,000 bonus until he learned someone else got $7,000. His resentment illustrates a common issue: adversity is often not a question of “why me?” but rather of “why not me?” Jealousy is the culprit and we could all enjoy life more by ignoring it.
Jealousy is a beast that tempts us to make bad decisions. Even the successful feel jealousy over the super-successful and are tempted to cheat. Barry Bonds is reported to have taken steroids out of jealousy for Mark McGuire’s “juiced” home run record. People I know have privately admitted to cheating on tests to “even the playing field.” I too feel the sting of jealousy when I see popular websites violate copyright laws, and I question whether I should be stealing images as well.
Everyone faces temptation because the incentives are there. If you could get away with cheating for a big gain, then why not do? Why should you let your competitor have all the fun?
I comfort myself with the thought that good habits are their own reward. I am reminded of advice I received early on from a relative. I was told that I should not work to make good money, but rather I should make money so I could do good works. I was then told an important passage making a bigger point:
You have a right to perform your prescribed duty,
but you are not entitled to the fruits of action.
Never consider yourself the cause of the results of your activities,
and never be attached to not doing your duty.
–Gita 2:47
The point is that it’s not rewarding to be jealous. If you keep to your efforts and are patient, then good things can and will happen. This complex idea is hinted in the movie Field of Dreams (one of my favorites) as a magical seven word sentence: “If you build it, he will come.”
We often become jealous because we feel rewards others get are rewards we don’t get. There is competition in getting a promotion, being the employee of the year, and grabbing a gold medal. But maybe life isn’t about a few of us vying for gold.
I have my own personal analogy to get over jealousy. I think about success as filling up water flowing from an ocean. Each of us has a different size glass that represents a personal level of achievement. There’s really no point worrying if your neighbor has a bigger glass than you since there is more than enough water to go around. If you want to get more, then focus on what you can do. Success will come from building your own glass and filling it, not from shattering what your neighbor has. It’s time to put the green eyed monster of jealousy to rest.
4 Responses to “How Do You Deal with Money Jealousy?”
I like the glass/ocean analogy however you also have to keep in mind that sometimes people can’t even reach the ocean or have no glass and no means to even make one.
There is no “cosmic” (or whatever you want to call it) guarantee or predestination to give you or anyone anything …
By Hugo on Sep 5, 2008
There are no guarantee’s in life. Someone who tells you otherwise is either lying or trying to sell you something.
But the glass analogy is really good.
By Roscoe on Sep 5, 2008
Thinking strategically for a moment, acting with sincerity and empathy seem like good ways to deal - if that’s the goal. That and physical activity and having a life of one’s own. Tilling the earth or helping others (e.g., http://www.kiva.org) can’t hurt either. It’s all polishing brass in any case. All this glass/ocean talk makes me thirsty/want to swim.
By Sam on Sep 5, 2008
Hugo:
Good point–we must make efforts to bring people to a level where they can help themselves.
Roscoe:
Randomness wreaks havoc with our lives–that’s why I liked the book “The Black Swan” so much as it discusses some of the real risks in life.
Sam:
Good points. I summarize it with my motto “mind your decisions.” Much of life can be made better if we use our mind for our decisions and mind only our decisions
By Presh Talwalkar on Sep 6, 2008