Money tip number 189: stop trying so hard

Let me backtrack a moment for perspective. Most of us fail at money decisions because we don’t try, or we don’t try hard enough. That’s probably why 99 percent of conventional money advice is about getting us to take action, and understandably so.

I’d guess there are 188 tips more pressing than this one. But we can’t ignore problems because they are rare, so let’s take a moment to address an overlooked issue. For some of us, the problem is trying too hard; it’s a case of failure from too much effort. Not surprisingly, the issue affects highly motivated people more than others.

My friend has a great job and invests his money wisely, but he ran into trouble when decorating his apartment. He spent weeks finding the perfect couch, which cost twice as much as comparable models. The same thing happened when he found the perfect coffee table, the perfect entertainment set, and so on. He hasn’t even started on his kitchen, and I have the feeling he will never feel satisfied.

One day he was frustrated and asked me for advice, and I suggested he was trying too hard. He could be happier if he let go of a few demands. The idea is best expressed in an Aesop fable that I recently read, which I reprint below.

The Boy and the Nuts

From Aesop’s Fables (source for book excerpt)

A little boy once found a jar of nuts on the table.

“I would like some of these nuts,” he thought. “I’m sure Mother would give them to me if she were here. I’ll take a big handful.” So he reached into the jar and grabbed as many as he could hold.

But when he tried to pull his hand out, he found the neck of the jar was too small. His hand was held fast, but he did not want to drop any of the nuts.

He tried again and again, but he couldn’t get the whole handful out. At last he began to cry.

Just then his mother came into the room. “What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I can’t take this handful of nuts out of the jar,” sobbed the boy.

“Well, don’t be so greedy,” his mother replied. “Just take two or three, and you’ll have no trouble getting your hand out.”

“How easy that was,” said the boy as he left the table. “I might have thought of that myself.”

Moral of the story

If you reach for too much, you might end up with nothing. Sometimes you need to let go to move forward.

There are many ways you can apply this idea to personal finance. Here are some ways I’ve highlighted before:

–Want to win? Try relaxing. The easiest way to get a pendulum to swing to the other side is by pulling it back. Although some people can push their way to success, I think the majority of us would be better off by pulling back and relaxing. Then success will come swiftly like the force of gravity. This idea was my secret to being a good consultant.

–How I narrowly define wealth. Would you believe money is not the most important part of wealth? Our focus on net worth is misguided. A better path is carving out your own set of goals.

–Job interviews: you don’t have to be perfect. I talk about some answers to the dreaded question “what is your greatest weakness.” I offer up the answer I use. It’s an honest answer that makes me look imperfect, but in many ways I come off as more whole and possibly a better applicant.